Maybe you have heard the saying ‘you must love yourself before you can love someone else’. What do you think?
In the dictionary love is defined as ‘an intense feeling of deep affection’. Do you feel you must have deep feelings of affection for yourself before you can have them for someone else? I’ve found that many can experience love for others and simultaneously struggle in places of continual self loathing.
When I first met my husband, I couldn’t stand myself. I would look in the mirror and see everything I’ve done wrong and all that needed to be ‘fixed’. My husband saw through all of my insecurities and showered me with love right from the start. Through the years, I was able to dive deep into those wounds and begin to create healing. I found places of self-acceptance and affection but it took work. In all honesty, my husbands support was vital. I was able to rewire my nervous system away from the lies I bought into and replace them with who I am truly called to be. I was able to stand IN myself.
In the past, I was terrified to be alone without distraction. When no one was around, I was left with my own tormenting thoughts. I fixated on all my flaws and all the things I needed to change. Now, I want to treat myself to the things I enjoy. I nurture myself with the foods, the movements and experiences that serve me. And I find I am able to be more present in a place of gratitude for all the special moments throughout my day even in the mundane tasks. I used to feel this time for myself was negative and now I see it as a necessity.
My husband just recently took a nursing contract in Alaska. I am now home on the farm with the kids, a growing business and myself. I have a deep appreciation for this season and experience. I feel able to be alone in a whole new way. Though life has its challenges, I value my time in solitude. From this place, a new layer of healing work with my old wounding has risen to the surface because I am ready. It’s not all unicorns and rainbows, this healing journey never ends, but I notice my skills of riding out the discomfort are stronger.
I don’t know if I would be able to really acknowledge how far I’ve come on my own journey if it wasn’t for this time away from my partner. Though this shift took time, the negative thoughts and emotions that used to berate me daily are now just quiet whispers I can move beyond.
If you happen to be alone on this holiday of love, I invite you to lean into the solitude. Whether you desire to be in a relationship or not, I hope you are able to reflect on all you feel in this intimate partnership with you. Are you in avoidance or acceptance?
AND…If you can’t stand yourself; are you ready to do the work? We often need the help of others to guide us along the way. The most supportive assistance will vary for each of us. Do you need to set up some time with friends? Do you just need some quiet time in nature? Do you need to talk openly with a therapist?
I am happy to work with you towards creating a fulfilling relationship with the most important person in your life. YOU…
It’s the best investment you will ever make.
